ARE YOU SHIT'N ME?!

A couple of years ago I was sitting at a bar with two of my girlfriends, we had just gone to an event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta and I had had a few glasses of wine and a couple of Manhattan's. Needless to say I was tossed. I started to prattle on about my then relationship (I was about 6 months into it). I started to divulge that; well… our sex life was... how do you say... LACKING. Usually, and I have found this from personal experience that in the first 6 months a new couple is "doin it" a LOT. Most, new couples are trying to figure out ways to get more of each other. We were not. I thought for sure, it was me. Perhaps I had put on the usual new relationship poundage, ya know, you eat out more, drink more and did I say MAKE OUT MORE. Ok, so we weren't doing that either.

As I relayed this hot tip about my non existent sex life to my two closest girlfriends, they looked at me in horror. I was drunk enough to dismiss it and sober enough to make up a barrage of excuses (he's tired, stressed, on the road, he has a lot on his plate).

Fast forward 1.5 years...

After spending plenty of time begging for sex (literally), asking Mr. Anti Sex to go to the doctor to find out if something was wrong with him, after standing buck ass naked in the hallway and having Prince Charming walk by and head to the computer, after crying to myself trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with ME, after we had spent a night out at a Christmas party and I was feeling particularly frisky and instead of jumping my bones he handed me his pants and turned on the TV (no kidding) I was at a loss. I convinced myself that sex wasn't everything and love is all that mattered. I promised him I would not leave him for this "minor" flaw. I stood by MY MAN. In the interim I became more miserable, found comfort at the bottom of a tub of Ben & Jerry's and lied my ass off to friends and family about how FUCKING happy I was and how he was "the one."

About a year ago we parted ways, abruptly after he decided that he didn't think he ever wanted children or to be married, clearly a fundamental difference, which he failed to mention 2 years prior. Lets be honest, things were strained, I couldn't go another month sans sex (7 months was long enough). At that point, misery was indeed my only company.

Recently I found out that he is engaged to be married. My gut reaction...

"ARE YOU SHIT'N ME, I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY!"