I believe

I believe in ice cream for breakfast and breakfast for dinner

I don’t believe in chain emails

I believe in fairies because if I don’t one will die

I don’t believe in love at first sight

I believe that sex on the first date is generally a bad idea but it happens

I believe in Déjà Vu

I believe everything happens for a reason (I have to after multiple break ups and layoffs)

I don’t believe in Santa Claus anymore but I think all children should

I believe that Thanksgiving is a far more enjoyable holiday than Christmas, in fact I actually prefer Halloween to all notable holidays

I don’t believe anyone should ever light the pilot light in there gas oven after a few beers (believe me, I know)

I believe the Sweet Potato is underrated on the West Coast

I believe if you start your day with uncomfortable socks it’s a prelude to a bad day

I believe in following your gut even if you don’t like the outcome

I don’t believe I should pay $4.00 for coffee or gas but they are both necessary (for me)

I believe in God, if I didn’t I would have to admit that I am a crazy person talking to dead air

I believe Easter is an opportune time for me to purchase Cadbury Cream Eggs and Peeps Marshmallow candy

I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions

I believe in rescues everyone should rescue a dog or cat at some point (unless they are allergic)

I don’t believe that just because you have an opinion you are at liberty to share it (though I personally struggle with this)

I believe in Karma

I believe the beer koozie is genius more people should embrace them

I don’t believe in Bud Light, because the Silver Bullet never lets me down

I do believe that you should always have a bottle of chilled champagne on hand

I believe that honesty is the best policy even when it hurts

I believe that lightening bugs are magic

I don’t believe you should ever compromise what you really really want but I think most people do

I believe that everything is better with cheese

I believe in the power of positive thinking but it is easier said that done

I believe that your oldest friends and family are the best people to keep you humble

I don’t believe in shots of tequila or shots in general

I do believe in a glass of wine shared with a good friend after a hard day, week, month, year

I don’t believe in low-rise pants, people are tired of seeing my butt crack

I believe in Mission Based Shopping, but I could spend hours in the grocery store

I believe every woman is allowed to feel like a princess

I don’t believe in the Fairy Tale but I believe in Happy Endings

I'm going to be 40

Recently my friend noted "I'm going to be 50 in 4.5 years." I started laughing because it reminded me of the movie "When Harry Met Sally."


Sally: ...All this time I've been saying that he didn't want to get married. But the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me.

Harry: If you could take him back right now, would you?

Sally: No, but why didn't he want to marry me? What's wrong with me?

Harry: Nothing.

Sally: I'm difficult.

Harry: You're challenging.

Sally: I'm too structured; I'm completely closed off.

Harry: But in a good way.

Sally: No, no, no, I drove him away. And I'm going to be forty!

Harry: When?

Sally: Someday!

Harry: In eight years.

Folks, I've been dating for roughly the last 17 years. I'll admit, that seeing the number "17" attached to dating career hurts a a lil bit. In the last 17 years I have not met Mr. Right, sure I thought I did at least 3 times. But, I was dead ass wrong about how "Right" they were.

When you have been dating for 17 years and have not met your "person" you can occasionally doubt yourself much like Sally did in the movie. What is it about ME? Am I too opinionated, picky, obsessive compulsive, wacky? Or, am I just someone who hasn't crossed paths with my person yet. Or, is it that I, on some cosmic way had to get right with myself before the right person could come along and I could truly appreciate them and vice versa?

After 17 years of dating I can pretty much say that almost every single man I have dated is engaged, married and has children.

Like Sally, over the years as I found out about each engagement and marriage I considered, "did they just not want to marry me?" But, per Harry's question "If you could take him back right now, would you?" Let’s take a look, shall we?

Do I want to live out my years with:

Emotionally unavailable, predictable Accountant - NO

Super needy, super jealous, super downer Archaeology Grad Student - NO

Self Centered, desperate, Mr. "I'm gonna" do (insert grand plan here) Art Director - NO

Homophobic, racist, selfish pilot with no sex drive - NO

Just like Sally, I will be 40... in 7 years. I'm confident that after 17 years of Mr. Wrong's that Mr. Right is closer than I think.

ARE YOU SHIT'N ME?!

A couple of years ago I was sitting at a bar with two of my girlfriends, we had just gone to an event at the High Museum of Art in Atlanta and I had had a few glasses of wine and a couple of Manhattan's. Needless to say I was tossed. I started to prattle on about my then relationship (I was about 6 months into it). I started to divulge that; well… our sex life was... how do you say... LACKING. Usually, and I have found this from personal experience that in the first 6 months a new couple is "doin it" a LOT. Most, new couples are trying to figure out ways to get more of each other. We were not. I thought for sure, it was me. Perhaps I had put on the usual new relationship poundage, ya know, you eat out more, drink more and did I say MAKE OUT MORE. Ok, so we weren't doing that either.

As I relayed this hot tip about my non existent sex life to my two closest girlfriends, they looked at me in horror. I was drunk enough to dismiss it and sober enough to make up a barrage of excuses (he's tired, stressed, on the road, he has a lot on his plate).

Fast forward 1.5 years...

After spending plenty of time begging for sex (literally), asking Mr. Anti Sex to go to the doctor to find out if something was wrong with him, after standing buck ass naked in the hallway and having Prince Charming walk by and head to the computer, after crying to myself trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with ME, after we had spent a night out at a Christmas party and I was feeling particularly frisky and instead of jumping my bones he handed me his pants and turned on the TV (no kidding) I was at a loss. I convinced myself that sex wasn't everything and love is all that mattered. I promised him I would not leave him for this "minor" flaw. I stood by MY MAN. In the interim I became more miserable, found comfort at the bottom of a tub of Ben & Jerry's and lied my ass off to friends and family about how FUCKING happy I was and how he was "the one."

About a year ago we parted ways, abruptly after he decided that he didn't think he ever wanted children or to be married, clearly a fundamental difference, which he failed to mention 2 years prior. Lets be honest, things were strained, I couldn't go another month sans sex (7 months was long enough). At that point, misery was indeed my only company.

Recently I found out that he is engaged to be married. My gut reaction...

"ARE YOU SHIT'N ME, I THOUGHT HE WAS GAY!"