Maybe Next Time...

As a single gal, I like to think I take some pride in my appearance. I mean not all the time. I do "casual" or "dumpy" well. However, after living in the South for a few years I have learned to pull it together, accessorize and apply the right shade of gloss and maintain my feet properly.

Recently, I decided to embark on a new form (for me) of grooming. I get my roots done (sorry folks it's not natural). I spend silly amounts of money on conditioner and not that long ago I purchased a flat iron that I'm pretty sure was developed by NASA. I digress…

So, after much consideration and a few conversations with my lady friends I decided to explore "The WAX." This is not to say I have not paid careful attention to my nether region. I am well versed in the artful application of NAIR. I am also pretty Euro in my lineage (Irish, Welsh, Dutch, German) this combo lends my follicles to a less coarse, less animal like growth. My point being, I'm not a beast bu t I feel as a woman and a lady I should look my best and tend to my girly bits.

So, I mustered up the courage and booked an appointment! And, I decided to really go for it… Brazilian! I showed up, right on time 10 a.m, Saturday. The nice young girl escorted me back and told me to take my pants off and drape a towel over myself and lie down on the table. I stood there a minute…and thought, "do I take all my pants off, I mean, my underroos too? I felt awkward and didn't know quite what to do. I poked my head out to inquire."Uh, so...yeah.. do you mean EVERY-THING?" Heather, my personal aesthetician did confirm that indeed the roos needed to go as well.

Heather came back in the room as I lay tentative with the towel draped just so, to maintain any dignity one can have while half nude in a small room with a stranger moments away from having hot wax applied to places God certainly did not intend.


Heather asked me a few questions and then began. I really wanted to crack a joke and ask this 20-something U of A grad how she got into the biz of being up close in personal to lady bits without a medical degree but my better judgment kicked in and I decided to make idol chit chat instead. I mean really what the hell else are you going to do when your leg is cocked and a gal is spreading wax on you like frosting on a cake and the impending doom of it being torn off your flesh is seconds away.

After fifteen to twenty minutes I have discovered that Heather and I attended the same grade school (Almond), Jr. High (Egan) and even shared the same PE teacher whose name now escapes me. We have covered quite a bit of ground in this intimate session. I feel close to her, we are now "friends." Finally we are coming to a close of our session when Heather inquires, "Would you like me to do your backside? "Excuse me?" I say as thought I just choked on a piece of steak. I had to think about what this would mean, the visual was to much to bare. And serio usly, as though last twenty minutes of torture were not enough." I'm surprised I haven't cracked a tooth from gritting my teeth. Red faced and slightly sweating, I immediately respond with "I don't think I can handle that, maybe next time."